Warrior

Andailah dapat jadi seperti mereka. Gah gemilang dalam segala apa dalam kehidupan. Aku di sini hanya menanti dan terus menanti. Belum tiba masanya lagi, tapi tetap ditembak dengan peluru kata yang menyakitkan. Bukannya aku tak mencuba, tapi aku cuba setiap hari. Aku bukan mereka; mereka sentiasa dapat apa yang mereka hajati. Aku? Aku tersekat dek batas segala. Aku tidak minta apa-apa pun. Aku hanya inginkan doa. Doa agar aku mampu menjalani hidup ini dengan baiknya sepertimana baiknya hidup untuk kalian. Benar. Aku juga mungkin dapat apa yang diingini, tapi itu berbeza. Aku bukan kalian. Namun... Kalian jugalah batu yang membantu untuk aku kembali stabil dalam hidup yang penuh onar ini. Kalian jugalah yang menadah tangan untuk aku pegang. Kalian jugalah tempat aku bersadu rasa. Kalian jugalah jantung hati hidup aku. Jadi, kenapa aku hendak merungut? Benar. Aku tidak sama seperti orang lain. Benar, aku hanyalah menusia yang darjatnya tidak tinggi menggunung. Benar, akulah orang yang tid...

Today we were greeted with a news of the passing of Nur Areefah, a strong mental health warrior, who co-found Malaysian Mental Care Association. She fought a long battle with cancer and has been the most prominent people in sharing and advocating about mental health. Her passing was truly felt as people kept pouring out stories, wonderful stories, about her, her humour, her personality and her professionalism. She was non-stop with all her job and made it a safe place to share about mental health. I have observed her for years, and despite only have had met her 4 times, and it was years ago, I can still feel her wonderful ambiance. Her wonderful way to greet people with open arms and never even complain when she was battling cancer for all these years. I am a witness to all her strength, hard work and contributions that she has made into the world of mental health in Malaysia. Her passing was shared amongst all the people she had helped, and that includes me. Her passing made me reflec...

Oh verily so! This strength is depleting and this emotional combat is nearing its end; which side will win? Depression is something. It is not just a name, but a feeling. The feeling of spiraling downwards, being dragged into an abyss of darkness, being crushed down into the pavement, that feeling of shivering cold, that feeling of being alone and yet still feeling fear. And it just doesn't go away. No matter what I do, it doesn't go away. People would never guess that someone has depression. They might look happy, always filled with laughter and jokes. They are the ones who are so empathetic and always there with a helping hand. They are probably someone with so many aspirations and motivation. They might be someone pious. They look like everyone else. I'll take Robin Williams as an example. In 2014, we lost a great comedian and celebrity. No one ever thought that he was facing depression. You should look at all his interviews, so merry, glee, full of laughter and jokes. N...