A true warrior

Today we were greeted with a news of the passing of Nur Areefah, a strong mental health warrior, who co-found Malaysian Mental Care Association. She fought a long battle with cancer and has been the most prominent people in sharing and advocating about mental health. Her passing was truly felt as people kept pouring out stories, wonderful stories, about her, her humour, her personality and her professionalism. She was non-stop with all her job and made it a safe place to share about mental health. I have observed her for years, and despite only have had met her 4 times, and it was years ago, I can still feel her wonderful ambiance. Her wonderful way to greet people with open arms and never even complain when she was battling cancer for all these years. I am a witness to all her strength, hard work and contributions that she has made into the world of mental health in Malaysia. Her passing was shared amongst all the people she had helped, and that includes me.

Her passing made me reflect on myself. She made it clear that despite having cancer, she managed to do everything in her willpower and flourish. She blossomed in every move that she did. She was a fantastic example of someone who bore this love and understanding in people. Her way showing empathy made her someone that people look up to, and even until now, people still hold her name high above the status. She was one of the best in her field, and I had always admired her. I might be a silent reader and a passive person when it comes to mental health (yes, I did stop writing about mental health due to the lack of me being able to carry forward the messages that I wanted to convey about mental health. Despite that, I still share once in a while about my own journey with bipolar, so that counts right?) but her words will always be with me. Through death only do we know the goods in people, sadly so.

I used to be active in promoting mental health, but somehow... I stopped, and now with the passing of Areefah, I am contemplating my own life. What am I bringing to people? What am I doing for the world? What if I didn't make a difference and leave a huge bad mark towards people? What if I hurt people? Just all these what ifs. I always wanted to make a change in the world, even if it means the littlest change. I am wondering about my life now.

This death is a death that brought people together in unison as a last respect to the deceased. It is the most envied death by all; a death that bore more strength than weaknesses.

In our lives now, in this moment, people are getting more aware about the importance of mental health. I used to take it for granted. I used to stop talking about it, not knowing that it might hinder the awareness of mental health and mental health issues. Mental health is a must to take care of as it is the reason why we are we today, and why it is important to take care of it. Mental illnesses doesn't exclude anyone; it can hit whoever. And that was what Areefah brought it up. The importance of maintaining a good mental health and how it can bring impact to our lives -- and also others.

I have bipolar, but I can't even say that I am a true warrior. I am not a true warrior and I am saddened by that fact. When I read what Areefah went through, the first few years of being diagnosed with bipolar, I just felt like she was ever so near. She described it best through her words on what it feels like to go through a relapse, to feel what it felt like, to share on her journey herself. And when she was hit with cancer, she began to share more and more and more, and that made her such an incredible person. I wanted to be like her, to shine light into people's life.

I was diagnosed in 2017, and as the years build up, I am not sure whether I am getting any better, BUT I am better than how I used to before. I have so many people to thank and be grateful of. Their hands in support made the journey more tolerable and easier to go through. Alhamdulillah. What I want all these years was to share what it felt like having relapses, what I go through with each appointment, what medicine I take, the experiences of getting warded and ways to get proper help for mental health. I share all my personal stuff in this media social space that I can get into. I wanted to show the world that even with bipolar, I can still live life. I am able to make life very bearable to a point where I can detect any relapses and how to deal with them. I want people to see that despite all the trauma, I can still live life like everyone else.

I guess today, I just want to remember why I chose the word 'mental health warrior' as the heading of this blog. I thought that maybe being active in this blog might do wonders to my own mental health as I share life lessons, personal life, and everything that I feel like that should and could be shared. I, for once, want to get that enthusiasm again. I want to feel needed to be able to help people. I want to make a change.

Most importantly, I want to be as vibrant as Areefah.

Jazakillahu khayran, Areefah, for shining life even after your passing. Rest well now, and you will always be missed.