The month of Syawal!

 MasyaAllah, it has been awhile since I last posted something. I was enjoying the month of Ramadhan that I have forgotten to write anything about it, and now it's the month of Syawal! The month where we celebrate the end of Ramadhan and rejoice with accomplishments and joy. Last year my brother and his family came from Labuan to celebrate. This year my little sister is here and I am out of this world! I have always been this clingy sister to my brother and sisters, so yes, my clinginess can be so annoying, but who cares! I love them to bits!

However, I might say, there would be a part of me being disappointed with people during this Eid. Why do we condemn people when we can pick each other up and progress? Why can't we be kind and empathetic? Why must we say hurtful things? In this month of Syawal, we try to ask for forgiveness and spread joy and love. Remind each other that there are many kinds of people and there might be a part of them that doesn't find our presence comfortable. I have learnt that in so many years, and as I age, I begin to understand that it is okay to not be someone's cup of tea. Besides, we too have people that we are uncomfortable with, and that is fine. Not everyone can be our friend.

Now that I am in my 30's, I am beginning to be selected when it comes to friends and acquaintances. There are people that might stay and there are people that it is okay to let go. I do miss most of them, especially that we used to be able to joke and laugh around with, but I think I have changed too much that I prefer small circles and small talks. It is not to say that the majority people in my life aren't worthy enough; in fact, if I were to choose, I would choose everyone. That's just it, you know. People come and go. It'll make us sad, but that is just how life is. Even though a part of me loves being with lots of people, especially the entirety of my old friends, I have to admit, maybe it's okay to be alone but! At the same time not feeling lonely. I am so accustomed to being the 'other person' that I find it somewhat amusing -- also maybe because I have been studying the human behavior since college that I am okay with any kind of people.

Joy! Oh, joy! This year I am prepared with answers every time when people ask me sensitive questions. Or, questions that will trigger me. Usually I would just stay quiet and smile, but I am tired of doing that. I want to clarify all my choices in life. I want to be the one that hold my own life without having to be influenced by others. because this is my life and I can choose. I just don't understand why people would act the way they act especially during this festive month of Syawal. That's just really is, I guess. We can't satisfy everyone.

Ah! I shouldn't be complaining. I should feel joy and learn to forgive more this Eid. This year I chose orange for my baju Raya theme and my parents will (and MUST!) have to follow, because I don't have any other people to match with. I still have my parents and I am grateful forever. I won't exchange my parents. We sometimes won't meet eye to eye, but we are people. There would be mouth fight, there would be time where we sulk and won't talk to each other, but that is just how life works. Like I said, sometimes we are not other people's tea.

My Ramadhan went well, so when Syawal came, I was elated! It is not always you see me elated about something. My depression didn't hit me throughout Ramadhan and I would celebrate that after Ramadhan. Eid is special. Syawal is special. However, there are people who couldn't enjoy this festive month due to so many reasons. Sadly, the majority of the reasons would be family disputes. I am sorry but I wish I could understand. And I am sorry that you had to endure all that, probably all alone, and I hope you can find rejoice in Syawal again. Create a new family that is filled with love that you may have been lacking with.

Anyway, I would post pictures (I'll probably edit this post and share pictures, but that'll take time) soon.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, everyone! May this month also bring you barakah and forgiveness. 

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