Self-diagnose

(2018)

I have this strong urge to comment on people self-diagnosing mental illnesses and critic the behavior, but criticism won't go anywhere in this issue. You see, there is an explainable reason why I chose to stop talking about mental health and the lot; to prevent catastrophe and more misconceptions.

However, I think I might make today an exception, so let me speak. There will be two parts of this, ie A) the self-diagnose, and B) the warriors. (However, I really don't wanna touch the issue of mental health warriors. It's kinda annoying and triggering, so I'll skip that for now.)

I recently listened to a spoken word slam poetry entitled "Broken Isn't Beautiful" and it tackled the issue of people self-diagnosing themselves and how it makes the issues of mental health look petty and romanticising mental illnesses. (You can search for the slam poetry on Youtube) We tend to use the word depression, OCD, bipolar as something normal. We are making them a label, a trend and not something wrong. It is fantastic to have the awareness but we are now in the phase of people thinking that having depression is a good way to make excuses, thinking that labelling people as OCD explains their perfectionism, and that their shifts in moods are just the characteristics of bipolar when they're not. 

We tend to use mental illnesses as an excuse of our normal personality, thus the reason why we self-diagnose. They do not know that when you really have a mental illness, it is an ongoing thing. It isn't a one-off thing. It doesn't just happen because something happen (well, there would be trivgers sometimes, but sometimes they come without warning), and that's the error people make. 

People who self-diagnose, I observed, tend to self-diagnose during their lowest point thus creating an illusion that they're suffering depression (because clearly the most common test would be DASS), and then they go to the internet to support their findings. And that's the problem itself too. The community most of the time would agree to them and their findings, while knowing that DASS is just a SCREENING tool. No matter how many times that is emphasized, people tend to think that the tool is used to diagnose depression and anxiety. 

I have also observed that people are competing about who has it worse, and just please, don't do this. Mental illness is not something okay. It is not something you compete. "I feel so depressed that I couldn't do my work," "Well, yeah? I feel more depressed than you; I couldn't get out of bed!". Why are you competing about who has it worse? This kind of behavior makes those who really has it feel more scared of opening up because they are afraid of being labelled as another attention-seeker or faker. 

Don't self-diagnose. There are professionals who spent years to train themselves to help you understand your mind. Instead of putting a label on yourself just because you read the symptoms online or you did a screening test, why not seek help or guidance? These professionals are trained to help you see whether you really do have a mental health problem or not, and they are not there to judge you. Self-diagnoses would get the attention of many, but it won't solve any issues if there are any. I get that the awareness game is strong now, but people are now using the awareness of mental health as an excuse to clarify their uncanny behaviors, like skipping work/school, lashing out, and et cetra, giving excuses like "I have depression, I've read the symptons online."

I could go on. But nanti kena kecam lagi. I don't mind kena kecam and to be criticized by this really. Been there, done that. Ini belum masuk isu kedua lagi. Lagi saya rasa nak hempuk kepala kat dinding, thus the reason why I stopped talking about stuff like this. It wasn't helpful. People will just save their sorry asses with more excuses and will point to me that I'm the attention-seeker. Well, in this case, I am seeking attention so that you read this, and just stop self-diagnosing yourself. Stop telling people that you have depression just because you fit the criteria said by the internet. Stop telling people you have PTSD just because you have nightmares from a bad breakup or something petty. Stop telling people you're OCD just because you like things in order and the internet says your color coordination behaviour is OCD related. Stop telling you're bipolar just because your mood shifts. Believe me, if you want to know just how much difficult it is to live with a mental illness, I'll trade my mind with yours and see how you really react. Having a mental illness won't make you look cute.

i've made my angry point, sebab pecer broooo. Saya bukan tak nak layan apa-apa mental health dah, saya penat kena layan orang self-diagnose ni dan minta perhatian daripada saya. Eh. Kemonla. Saya tak ter-cater minda saya sendiri, inikan pula melayan fi'il awak-awak.